Many couples go through periods without sex, sometimes this is not a problem. But if so, discovering what is behind a dry sexual period can help you find strategies to increase your sexual satisfaction.
Everything from anxiety to painful sex can lead couples to a dry sexual mantra, a prolonged period without sexual intercourse for months or even years. “This is not uncommon,” says Anne Hartlage, a psychology doctor and director of the marriage and sexual therapy program at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
At the beginning of the relationship, almost everyone says that sex is wonderful, says Hartlag. “When you are in a sexual relationship for the first time, the barriers between you collapse, you discover a new person and there are no fears of the privacy of most people,” he explained. “It’s very exciting to be the first person.”
“Then, the emotion disappears,” says Hartlag. “Sometimes people do not move toward a deeper relationship or realize that work is needed to keep the sex and relationship alive.
Access The Root Of Your Sexual Problem.
Says Philip A. Rutter, Ph.D., associate professor of the human race program at Wadner University in Chester, Pa., Said that although there are several reasons why there is no sexual relationship, there are three common themes that tend to arise. / The sexual therapist in private practice in Philadelphia.
Previous negative experience. If one partner has a bad sexual experience with the other (for example, he did not enjoy or touch in a particular way or have sex in any way), that partner can avoid having sex to avoid repetition, says Rutter.
Arrival baby Rutter says that it is common for couples to undergo a period of abstinence without sexual intercourse for three to six months before the child arrives six months later. The new mother may have problems with body image or sexual contact can be painful. New parents may be afraid to have sex during pregnancy, although doctors say it will not harm the child. In addition, there is a tremendous fatigue factor: during pregnancy for women and after the arrival of the child for both parents, it can contribute to the continuation of sexual life.
Conflict of interests. When you fight for financial resources, paternity or betrayal of trust, sex can become a bargaining chip, says Rutter.
From Not Having Sex To Being Intimate Again.
Once you have identified the problem, you can start working to become intimate again.
Consult your doctor if you need it. If you have pain or other physical problems that prevent you from having sex, consult your doctor. Hartlag says that physical problems in general are the easiest solution, but some couples wait too long to ask for help.
Open connections. If you have a negative experience that you try to try again, it’s time to talk about it. Make the conversation outside the room, says Rutter. It can be a good time to talk about the subject while sitting down to watch TV. An intimate, non-sexual moment, such as holding hands or rubbing while sitting on the couch, may be the perfect time to say, “The last time we used X, I did not enjoy it.”
Make time for the other. Responsibilities such as jobs, children, elderly parents, household chores, responsibilities can fill your schedule quickly, leaving you time or energy for each one. But privacy can not stay at the end of the list. Hartlage recommends making fun a fun time between them by scheduling dates.
Ease in privacy Trying to rush things can be counterproductive. Instead, you can benefit from a common sexual exercise called sensory focus, says Hartlag. Concentrating on Sensate helps facilitate intimacy with your partner by progressing through the stages. At first, give up on each other and spend time playing, avoiding touching the genitals and sexual relations. Each partner gives the other positive comment and says what he likes. Next week, the couple will do the same but will add a genital touch. In the third week, the couple can progress to sexual intercourse, says Hartlag.
Use videos, books or games to play in the mood. Rutter recommends the Sinclair Institute website, where you can find information about sex and sex, as well as buy books, videos and sex toys to increase your sexual satisfaction as a couple. You may be able to find books and videos that specifically address your problems. For example, if a new pregnancy or a new child prevents you from having intimacy, check out the series of videos about sex during and after pregnancy, how to deal with changes in body image and sexual discomfort, says Rutter.
Consider other ways to be intimate. If your focus is usually on coitus and height, expanding your sexual activity by including oral sex, mutual masturbation or imaginative sex can help make your room more vibrant, says Rutter. Another idea is to plan an exciting sexual surprise for your partner, such as being in a different place than usual, suggests Hartlag.
Conflict resolution. If fights with your partner leave you cold, it is necessary to solve these problems. Rother says that some couples are insightful and can talk about problems without becoming an argument. In this case, you can speak through yourselves. However, many people will need to ask for advice from couples. Solutions to warming conflict can be found in the bedroom and lead to sexual satisfaction.